My Life.

My Little Man & I!

Wow. Well first off . . . .

Thank GOODNESS it's finally 2010. That means so many good things, I will be coming home for some R&R, I will be coming home from this deployment, and I will finally be divorced.

Okay okay, so divorce is not a good thing in some peoples eyes. But I feel like it's going to be one of the best decisions I have made in a long time. I need to be free, and I need to be able to move on with my life.

Well, I am back in Iraq. Good ol' hotter-than-heck-makes-you-appriciate-America Iraq. I have been here for about 3 months (which by the way are going VERY fast), and things are moving along. I am going to be here for a whollle year . . . and hopefully a good one at that.

So I have learned a lot about myself since I left.

First off I love my son more than anything in this world, well he is my world. I thank God for him everyday! He is one of the best things that ever happened to me and I am so proud to be his momma. I would give the world right now to be home with him, to hear him laugh, cry, and even a couple "nos" would make my day!

Secondly, I'm not as strong as I thought I was. Or maybe I am stronger. Either way, I'm weak in so many ways, but because of those weaknesses I have become a better person. I have a heart, and it DOES it get broken. Well that broken heart has made me stronger, it has made me know what I want as far as a relationship, and it has shown me that at any given time the person you might be completely head over heels in love with could just simply walk away.

I'm okay with that now. I'm okay with the fact that the one guy I put my whole heart and soul into walked away from me, I am okay with that. I'm okay with the fact that this wasn't in Gods plan for me.

Third, I am in no way perfect. I never thought I was, but I KNOW even more now that I am not. I make mistakes, I have can bad judgement, and I do things that I regret. But I always learn a lesson. I learned that I can go from being at my weakest point, to being a very strong willed person. I learned that I can make a horrible judgement call, but then I can make one of the best decisions of my life. I learned that maybe I shouldn't regret anything I have said or done.

Regreting means you never really wanted to do it, but at some point when you were making that decision or saying those couple of hurtful words, it was exactly what you wanted to happen or what you really felt. Maybe if it was even just for a split second. So I don't regret, I just wish I would have been more wise in my decision making at that very moment.

Lastly, people are always going to judge you, they are going to say what you should or shouldn't do, and they are always going to try to tell you how to live your life. There comes a time when you have to grow up, mature some, and make all those hard life decisions by your very self. In my case, decisions that will effect Hunter & I.

I am starting to make those decisions, maybe people think that I am not doing the 'right' thing, but I feel in my heart I am. The 'right thing', what exactly IS the 'right thing'. Well for me, I think that it's doing what is the best for Hunter & I. I have prayed a lot about it and I feel that I'm moving in the right direction. Slowly. Slowly I am moving in the right direction.